I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
