I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
