I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
