Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
