i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
