I am puke
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
