you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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