Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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