"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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