She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
