he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
