i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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