Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
