i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You should frame my arrest warrant.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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