We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
