So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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