This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
