Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
