So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
