He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize