I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize