She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
