I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize