But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
