I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
