things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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