I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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