my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
