My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
