So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
