hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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