Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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