remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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