some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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