there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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