is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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