dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
