Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
