and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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