Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
