I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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