So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
