I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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