my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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