i can't believe i had my finger in that
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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