Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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