well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
