he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize