i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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