I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize