new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
