an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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