i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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