I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
