Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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