i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize