Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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