We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
