been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
