the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just googled if crying burns calories
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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