If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
