It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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