I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
no, he came in my armpit
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
