Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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