Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We're like a lot better than the average bears
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
