Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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